5 Active Bystander Strategies You Can Teach Your Staff Now

Creating a safe and welcoming environment for guests, and a safe and respectful workplace for staff, earns you loyalty from both. Doing so is good for business, and it puts your hospitality values into action.

We all know that harassment can ruin the experience for guests and staff alike. And the bad news is that restaurants have the highest level of workplace sexual harassment of any industry. (No data is available on bars.)

People who’ve been harassed (whether based on sex, race, sexual orientation, immigration status, disability, or something else) tell us that having others around who didn’t stand up for them was as painful – or more painful -- than being targeted to begin with.

Learn More About De-Escalation Strategies Here

As a manager, you can introduce some simple active bystander skills to your bar or restaurant staff, creating a culture that prevents harassment and responds quickly when it does happen.

That’s as simple as learning the 5Ds – actions anyone can take when they witness someone treating someone else disrespectfully. Your staff may already be taking some of these actions, as they’re aligned with good hospitality practices. Any one of the 5Ds can be done with either the aggressor or with the person being targeted.

[Editor’s Note: Bar & Restaurant hosted a live Q&A with the author last month. Watch it here to learn more about the 5Ds, and how you can bring them into your venue.]

1—Direct: Let the people involved know you’re concerned

Direct simply means that you acknowledge there might be a problem. While many people think being direct means being confrontational, there are lots of other options. It can be as simple as “How’s your night going?” or “Is there anything you need?” Here are some things you or your staff can say or do that are direct:

With the Target	With the Aggressor
“How’re you doing?” “I’m around if you need me.” “How can I help you here?” “Who’re you here with?”	“Hey what are you up to?” “Back off, friend.” “I wonder if you realize how that comes across.” “It doesn’t look like they’re into it.” “Just want you to know I’ve got my eye on you…”

 

2—Distract: Divert the attention of the people involved

Distract is exactly what it sounds like: it’s anything you do or say to get the attention off the problematic interaction or cause a break in the energy. Distract is fun because you can use your personality and creativity. The possibilities for distraction are infinite, and your hospitality skills come in handy here too, doing things like offering people more water, explaining your menu in detail, enticing them with free items, or asking guests what they think about a new dish, cocktail, or brew.

You can also pretend to know one of the people, or talk about the concert t-shirt they’re wearing or the hat or shirt from a sports team. You can also fumble, drop something, or bump into somebody. Here are a few more ideas:

With the Target	With the Aggressor
“Your friends are looking for you.” “The bathroom’s available now.” “Isn’t your mom Michelle? How is she?”	“The boss wants you to go get some milk.” “Hey, the bartender needs to talk to you about your tab.” “Hold on a sec. I think you have something in your teeth.” “Aren’t you my brother’s/sister’s friend from high school?” “They’re towing cars outside.”

 

3—Delegate: Who’s best to help out?

Delegate is when you get someone involved who’s in a better position to handle the situation. Often when people think of delegation, they think of an authority figure, like a manager or law enforcement. But it may be easier and more effective to get someone’s friends involved. You also may want to switch stations with a co-worker if you or they are being harassed. You could call in a co-worker to get involved if they’re particularly good with a certain type of guest, or if they’re especially funny, or gruff, or big, or skilled at de-escalation.

4—Document: Make a record

You can document what’s happening if someone’s already helping the person being targeted, or if documenting seems like the safest way to help. You can record a video, take a photo of the person doing harm, or write down notes. Afterward, ask the person who was targeted if they want the video, photos, or notes. Don’t share it without their permission: you could increase the harm to them by doing that.

5—Delay: It’s not over when it’s over

Even when there doesn’t seem to be an opportunity to do something in the moment, following up later with either the aggressor or the person being targeted can be effective and helpful. If you check in with the person who was targeted, it can be important to say things like these, and listen to their answers:

• I saw what happened. I’m so sorry that happened to you.
• Are you okay?
• What can I do to support you?
• You didn’t deserve that.

Research shows that human connection and support can make a big difference in how the person who was harassed heals from the experience.

Always let the person being targeted make the decisions about what to do, such as leave the establishment or move to a different job station. Harassment has taken their power away from them, so you don’t want to continue to do that by deciding what happens next, like saying, “I’m calling you a cab.”

No matter which of the 5Ds you choose, you or your staff member first should assess the situation for safety. You’ll be looking at factors like how dangerous the aggressor seems, who else is around (maybe they can help; maybe they’re in danger too), and where the exits are.

How to Bring Active Bystander Skills into Your Venue

To get the conversation going in your establishment, begin with a group discussion around values and keeping people (guests and staff) safe, both physically and emotionally. Ask your staff what they’ve already done, because many of these are skills they use as part of their work.

Then look at situations where staff hasn’t known what to do. Collaborate as a group about addressing things that might happen in the future. Talk about each one of the 5Ds and brainstorm together how folks might apply them when problems come up at work.

Encourage staff members to make these kinds of supportive actions part of what they do every day, whether the aggressor is a guest or staff member. Looking out for each other can be a key part of hospitality culture, and it can make your establishment a safe and welcoming place for guests -- and safe and respectful work place for your staff.

Let staff know you’re empowering them to use their judgment about intervening in harassment, and that you have their backs when they do.